Gianna Melis, survivor of the Costa Concordia shipwreck: «I feel guilty»

Costa Concordia, 13 January 2012. At 9.37pm Commander Francesco Schettino reaches the ship's bridge and takes the helm in hand. He decided to bow to the island of Giglio to pay homage to the maître d' on board who was born there. In seven minutes the Concordia is just 160 meters from the shore. It's 9.44pm. Schettino, however, realizes that he has risked too much and orders the helmsman to move twenty degrees. But on the bridge there is confusion, there is chatter. There's noise. Two people are too many: the purser and the infamous Moldavian stewardess.

What happens is that verbal indication does not reach the helmsman badly and he veers to the left instead of in the opposite direction. The mistake is fatal: the Concordia ends up on the rocks of Le Scole. Five seconds passed by 9.45pm. The impact causes a seventy meter gash. The water blows out the electrical panels. Because precisely on that side there is the Zero Deck, where the mechanical part of the ship is concentrated.

All the fault alarms are triggered, the first black-out is contextual. The Concordia immediately becomes ungovernable, the rudder is blocked at 35 degrees to the right. Gianna Melis, a hairdresser from Cagliari, is on board. He must participate in a reality show for an image consultant. She was selected among six thousand colleagues. She boarded the Concordia - 290 meters long and seventy meters high - that same January 13th at 5.30 pm, after a flight from Cagliari and a minibus ride to the port of Civitavecchia. The ship cast off its moorings at 6.57pm, headed for Savona. At the time of the impact Melis was in one of the fourteen restaurants in Concordia. She is in the company of her friend Katia Corda, who left with her as a guest. They were traveling together with 4,227 other passengers. Including 253 children, of which 52 were under three years old.

What do you remember about that day?

"All. Anything. I continue to think about it every day. Every single day."

Where were you when the accident happened?

«In one of the restaurants. We were attending the first gala evening. We were wearing a very light evening dress. On her feet are twelve-inch heels. It was twenty-four degrees on the ship. The reality show would begin the next day. In Savona, where we were headed, other participants would board. There must have been ninety of us in all."

What happens at 9.45pm?

«The end of the world. We hear an absurd noise, made by a sequence of shots, all very loud. We were sitting near some shelves, from which the plates and glasses fell. They couldn't see anything anymore, suddenly it was dark."

How long did the blackout last?

«Not much, then the emergency lights came on, much dimmer. People started screaming and getting agitated. My first instinct was to go back to the cabin, but my friend Katia didn't want to. He said it was safer to stay there. And he was right."

Why?

«Near us there was a German family, made up of parents and two teenage children. A stewardess, whose devil eyes I remember, I can't forget them, forced them to take the elevator back to the cabin. They never left there again. They are all dead. That family is among the thirty-two victims of the shipwreck."

What floor was the restaurant on?

«Third or fourth, I don't remember. It was the lifeboat plan anyway. In fact, we immediately got in front of it. We only moved to go look for life jackets. I remember a gentleman who had three, but he was alone with his wife. He didn't want to give us the extra one. We had to look in other chests."

Were the cabin crew with you?

«They just passed by. Repeating to reach the cabins. Ours was right on the side where the ship buckled. If we had gone back there, we would have died, for sure."

How many hours later did they put you on the lifeboats?

«Around 11.15pm».

What have you done in the meantime?

«I remained petrified the whole time, I couldn't say anything. Katia, however, spoke. And he called for help."

Did Concordia begin to buckle right away?

"Yes, otherwise the plates and glasses wouldn't have fallen."

What did you say to each other between passengers?

"The young people were screaming, the children were speechless."

At 10.24pm the Concordia suddenly tilts to the right side, drifting towards the rocks of Punta Gabbianara. There are the first victims, because someone who was on the bridges ends up in the water following the sudden movement.

"Near us a gentleman died of a heart attack."

At 10.50pm the order arrives to put the boats into the sea. Who took care of it?

"The waiters. They did everything themselves. The one closest to me who tried for a while, but couldn't get the hook off. People wanted to lynch him. Then he made it but took a blow and cut his forehead. His colleagues took him away."

In what order did you get on the lifeboats?

«First we had mothers pass by with their young children. Initially they didn't want to let the fathers go up. Then the children got desperate, it was the only time I saw them cry. Then they began not to divide families."

Was it easy to get into the lifeboats?

"In no way. We need to take a leap into the void. And there were so many of us on board, many more than the maximum capacity of seventy. As it was later rebuilt, it was not possible to use all the lifeboats because some were on the side where the Concordia bowed. I will never forget the generosity of the musician who gave way to a mother with child. He died".

At midnight the Concordia finally folded on its side, just ninety-six meters from the shore. You were safe, finally.

«At that time we were already inside a church where the inhabitants of Giglio had taken us to shelter us from the cold. I was always dressed in a summer evening dress and twelve-inch heels. I remember that in church I opened a wardrobe to look for something to warm myself with. I found some numbered pieces of cloth and handed them out. I discovered later that they were coffin covers."

Was the Civil Protection there?

«I couldn't say who was there. I only know that the mobilization of the people of Giglio was fantastic. They never left us alone. They opened houses and places to host us."

How long did you stay on the island?

«A little, a few hours. Then they put us on a ferry. Another nightmare: being in Giglio, the only way to move us castaways was to put us on another boat. A shock. From there we arrived in Civitavecchia and they took us to a hotel. There too we were welcomed very well: they offered us fruit and made us eat what they had. In Civitavecchia the Civil Protection system has started up."

Did you always wear a light evening dress or did they give you other clothes?

«On the morning of January 14th I arrived at Cagliari airport dressed the same way, with twelve-inch heels. Plus I had the Civil Protection cover."

Who did you find at the airport?

«Two of my four children. The two who were in Cagliari at the time, the others lived outside."

How has your life changed since that day?

«I stopped making plans. I started living day to day. But for a long time I had difficulty working. I felt like running away from everything and everyone. Especially from those who asked me to tell what happened on the Concordia. Now, however, every time I talk about it, I feel lighter. It's as if I lifted that weight on my heart that never went away."

Have you received compensation from Costa Crociere?

«A misery. A few weeks after the accident, they contacted us to conciliate. They gave us a very paltry sum. I lost not only my work equipment, brought to do the reality show, but also clothes and jewellery. I should have done a week of reality TV, I had the best stuff with me. The compensation they gave us certainly did not take into account the moral damages. After eleven years I'm still sick."

Why?

"I often think about the coincidences of that day."

For example?

«As soon as Katia and I arrived in the cabin, the television was jammed and was constantly repeating the rescue instructions. So much so that at a certain point, while we were getting ready to go to the restaurant, we unplugged because we couldn't stand hearing that voice anymore. It distressed us."

Other coincidences?

«A few days before departure, my daughter asked me to watch the film Titanic with her. I remember telling her: “Help, I have to leave in a few days too”. But what you see in the film is reality. Since that January 13th I have felt guilty: I wonder why I was saved and the other thirty-two people weren't."

Have you ever met Schettino?

"Never. The famous hostess did, however. When they came to pick us up from Fiumicino with the minibus to take us to Civitavecchia, she was there too. He wore the uniform of the Costa Concordia."

Did you ever think she would die?

"Always. I thought we wouldn't make it. While I was in front of the lifeboats, with my phone low on charge, I had written farewell messages for my children. I would have sent them as soon as I realized that everything was running out."

Have you remained in contact with any other passengers?

«No, but I would have liked it. And I regret not being able to go to the trial against Schettino."

Do you think it would have been good for her?

«Yes, maybe I would feel better. I would have liked to become a civil party. The sixteen year sentence they gave him is ridiculous. And above all, it is absurd that he is already in semi-freedom. I don't even get on a pedal boat anymore. Shortly after the shipwreck, my daughters took me on another ship trip, convinced that it would help me get over the shock. It was one of my worst nightmares."

Besides the fear of the ship, what other fears do you have left?

«I no longer fear anything. Better yet: anything can happen to me, I think I can deal with anything. I only worry about my children."

What still moves you about the tragedy?

«The memory of the hug with my girls, at the airport in Cagliari. It was one of the most moving moments of my life."