In the first six months of 2022, over 40 women were killed at the hands of a man : a husband, a partner or an ex. The last of the long list were Donatella Miccoli , stabbed by her husband Matteo Verdesca who then took his own life in the Lecce area; Gabriela Serrano and Lidia Miljkovic , killed a few hours later by the former Zlatan Vasiljevic   in the Vicenza area. Romina De Cesare , strangled and ended up with some stab wounds on a beach in Sabaudia, also from the former Pietro Ialongo.

An emergency, we read on the pages of the dictionary, is an "unforeseen circumstance". But there is very little unexpected in femicides . Indeed, the script is almost always, dramatically, the same: she unilaterally decides to leave her partner. He does not accept his freedom , his right, to abandon him. And he kills her , at the height of a period of harassment, violence and persecution.

Femicide , said the President of the Republic Sergio Mattarella, is " a serious violation of human rights ." Because it affects women as women, and deeply undermines the free development and progress of a country. knives are just the tip of the iceberg , the tragic conclusion of a long process that finds its roots in the toxic culture of domination by man over woman .

In his 40-year career as a psychiatrist, sociologist, educator and essayist, Paolo Crepet has seen with his own eyes many situations of abuse exchanged for love not only by the torturers, but by the victims themselves. It is precisely on them that we must first of all work, he explains to L'Unione Sarda. He will also talk about this in Castelsardo on July 27th and in Alghero on July 28th, presenting his latest book “Lessons of dreams”, published by Mondadori.

Professor Crepet, what can be traced back to such a serious and intolerable phenomenon in a civil society as that of femicide?
“One of the factors is the culture of ownership. For many men, women 'have', they own. It is certainly not new, it is an atavistic ideology that sees the dominant man and the submissive woman. We should rather ask ourselves how it is possible that in 2022, with all the progress we have made compared to centuries ago, this is still the case ”.

Do you have an answer?

“There are men who cannot keep up with the process of women's liberation, and I am not speaking only of adults but also of young people. It doesn't help that, in a hyper-connected and hyper-technological reality like the one we live in, we are more alone than ever. The problem is also that many women accept and support the culture of ownership ".

Why do they accept it?

“It's a question of education. There are many, and I have known them in the course of my experience, those who consider forms of jealousy and control as something positive, as symptoms of love and affection. There are girls who would be weird not to receive text messages, perhaps insistent, at midnight when they went out with their friends. Female thinking is not tout court victim of male thinking: mothers themselves can justify violent children or instill in their daughters the idea that possession is right and indeed desirable, with that harmful 'yes, but your husband is a good one. lad'. This is why I find the word 'patriarchy' incorrect: to combat this phenomenon it is important to have the root of the problem clear in mind ".

And which?

“There is no homogeneous and coherent male culture behind femicide. There is also a female culture that has accepted and, if it has not accepted, it has not opposed it. This is why it is on women that we must first of all act at the level of education, otherwise we will not get out of them ".

How to do?

“Let's start from the beginning: before deciding to be together, two people should get to know each other thoroughly. In the past I have given a seminar with some girls, asking them what they say on the first date with the potential partner. Turns out they talk about trivial things and hardly ever ask, 'Why did you break up with your ex?'

What if a man becomes violent at a later time?

“The human mind is complicated but one thing is certain: the first violent act is never a gunshot. There is slow progress in the idea of heterodirect violence. And this can save a life, giving time to develop and grow antibodies to violence. So that at the first attempt we act ".

What are the signs that should trigger the alert in time?

“Screams, insults, threats. Even a 'let me see your phone' must alarm. The first slap is already part of a later stage ".

Parliament is working on new anti-violence rules in cases of mistreatment, injury and stalking. When a woman decides to report, is she protected enough by the police?

“I have the utmost respect for the institutions, if they work for prevention. Once the crime is complete, the news tells us that it is already too late ".

Is fate already sealed?

“It's not, but I'm going back to the same point. You have to work hard on the previous phase. The first complaint a woman must make to herself. I know it is not easy and there are objective elements of difficulty: the shared house, economic dependence, children especially if they are minors. But if it is not easy to leave, it must be even less easy to stay ”.

Many women are killed at the alleged clarification appointment ... Why do they go there?

“For that cultural mix of 'yes, but' that makes you lose authority. If in your memories there is a mother who has suffered hell for thirty years, it is difficult to distinguish good from evil. To the request for the last appointment there is only one answer to give: no. All time".

After the crime, sometimes the killer takes his own life. What is going on in his mind?

“A violent person is a person who has no self-esteem - for that he has recourse to his hands - and is profoundly cowardly. But suicides are a minority because in reality those men know they can get away with it. There are few who serve a life sentence, also because of my category which, during the trials, intervenes with the expert reports. This causes the mechanism to continue indefinitely. If someone who killed his wife after six years gets out of jail like any other robber, a potential femicide does not grasp the gravity of what he has in mind to do: it is the State, in his eyes, that has established that it is not so serious. ".
In one of the last cases, the double femicide of Vicenza, Zlatan Vasiljevic had undergone rehabilitation before killing his ex-partner and ex-wife, but it didn't help. Was more time needed?

“I allow myself, given my age and my experience, to doubt these courses: who holds them? What exactly do you do? Do you go there for ten weeks, sitting at a desk nodding your head while you are thinking about how to kill your ex? It is naïve to think that a course can avoid a massacre. If I were a relative of the victim I would report, for superficiality. This is cheap psychologist goodism, it is the prairie that flattens itself in the face of the worst atrocities ”.

Is it then impossible to recover a violent man?

"Of course it is possible, but not like this. It would take a creative culture of justice".

What do you mean?

“Are you in for violence? You stay there and, during the day, you go to help weak people. But not for a week, but for three to four years. Otherwise it's a foolproof grip. Often, however, it is extremely soft, even with the youngest. He is given a pat on the cheek, when maybe the night before that boy stabbed someone who ended up in red code ”.

So hard punch?

"Of course. When I say these things they call me a fascist, they say I want to throw away the key. Instead, I just want a different criminal justice, which first of all prevents. Prevention means hitting first. A stab at twenty could be the beginning of a career as a violent man. If I give it to you, it becomes a judicial amnesty ".

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