“ I tried to convey a sense of respect and empathy to my daughter, but I didn't teach her to respond to offenses . And she, my 7-year-old daughter, is incapable of defending herself from bullies." It is a mother who speaks to L'Unione Sarda to tell the story of the ordeal experienced by Martina (we will call her that, for her protection), targeted by a classmate , and with a body that reacts in silence with her hair falling out, in clumps, day after day .

The mother's sense of guilt is enormous: « What did I do wrong? Should I have told her that she has to respond to oppression, to oppression? That when a situation is difficult we have to walk away? That's not what I want for her. Martina must have her redemption, she must understand that someone is defending her ».

It all started a few months ago : Martina and Andrea (fictional name) are friends, they often play together in a school in the province of Oristano. Then one begins to bully the other which over time become real harassment: "You stole something from me, I'll tell the teacher", "If you don't do this, I'll go to the teacher".

Accusations that in the mind of a child become heavy to digest and Martina is unable to react. « She loves her teachers very much and respects them, so she doesn't feel like responding in kind when she is scolded even if she knows very well that she hasn't done anything they reproach her for».

The family turns to professionals, including a psychologist, to help the child. The various strategies do not work, in fact the situation worsens. In the morning, when it's time to leave for school, Martina is always sick. Investigations are carried out to exclude pathologies but no cause of his discomfort and hair loss is identified: it is not alopecia, there are no dysfunctions, it is not celiac disease, diabetes or anything else. The only reason for this state of affairs is identified in emotional stress.

The little girl continues to study, with excellent results, but the anxiety does not abandon her When, after lessons, she returns home she seems relieved: «After having lived yet another emotionally heavy day, she needs a few hours to brood and then tell what happened. I don't want to condemn anyone, but I'm alone against everyone and I look at my daughter and her suffering, I look at her hair falling out - we're already at 70 percent - while she, always courageous, accepts what happens and goes on. He can't look for a sense of justice, he has such a level of empathy that he doesn't want another child to be punished. I want to talk about this phenomenon, which is not only recorded among teenagers and young people, bullying also dwells in other age groups. And while there are awareness-raising projects in secondary schools, almost nothing in primary schools».

Change class or school? “It's not a solution, it won't help your malaise. Just as there is no need for someone to tell Martina "you have to defend yourself", do we want to teach our children that it is right to have an attitude of this type? The school should be a safe, secure place."

“I still ask myself: if there had been more information, if I had first had the courage to tell everyone what was happening, could I have helped my daughter? She shows so much strength, she doesn't cry, she accepts this situation with great courage. He sees the hair that remains on the brush and says: “They are now falling out, I don't know why, but I will be without it . It will mean that I will cut them like soldiers so they will grow back stronger». It's me who's crying, and I've decided to speak up so that this never happens again to any other child, any other mother, any other family . I am confident that Martina will make it and will come out of this bad story which will leave a deep mark on her".

Many, faced with events like this, when the ending is dramatic and the victims of oppression make extreme gestures, ask: "And where were the parents?". “Here I am, I am here, now, as always up to now and as always in the future. But I'm alone, who does something concrete for my daughter?

The interviews with the teachers have so far yielded no results, even if tomorrow there will be a new meeting with the managers and perhaps some proposals will emerge.

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