"My dear parents, be credible with your children."
Young people's loneliness and the distance from adults: writer and philosopher Michela Marzano speaks. The author of "Something That Shines" is a guest on Videolina.Per restare aggiornato entra nel nostro canale Whatsapp
Eight teenagers. Stories of boys and girls, invisible and unheard. Wounds, discomfort, fragility. Michela Marzano, writer and full professor of moral philosophy at the University of Paris-Cité, in her latest novel, "Something That Shines," addresses the loneliness of young people and the distance of adults. She warns us about symptoms and disorders: "Be careful, everyone's story is there." Even the author's, with her "survived" symptoms.
Eight stories that fall on deaf ears in the family.
After the various lockdowns, the kids needed to be welcomed. The problem wasn't remote learning, but the lack of connection between them. So they only talked to their parents. Instead of shedding light on their anguish, they pretended everything was fine. Lying to themselves and their children.
Problem dismissed or misunderstood?
When young people are experiencing problems, anxiety, or substance abuse, they don't speak up. Because they're certain that whatever they say will be overlooked by adults. Adults, instead, need to look at them and make room for their "otherness."
There's the psychoanalyst anyway...
"And the attempt to 'catalogue'. When there's a problem or a symptom, kids find themselves 'catalogued'. You're anorexic, you're schizophrenic . And here's the label: the symptoms are interpreted as an illness."
But in the novel, Dr. Rolli goes against the grain.
"He insists on this: symptoms are not a disease. Our kids don't need to be sedated with drugs that erase symptoms. Because symptoms need to be addressed."
He mentions it at the beginning of the novel. A profound quote.
By Clive Staples Lewis, a great children's writer. In his "A Grief Observed," which he wrote when he lost his wife, he says: "Suffering is never a state, but a story, a story to be told ."
And Dr. Rolli wants to listen to her.
"He leaves the psychiatric hospital and opens an interdisciplinary center. He creates "talk groups": the kids talk and gradually reveal the causes of their symptoms."
Talking and listening therapy.
Our kids aren't "broken." There's nothing to fix. Let's be clear, there are very serious symptoms. Eating disorders can lead to death, as someone who's been through them tells you. But when I, as a teenager, was labeled anorexic, I felt something was wrong. I was something else.
Our Dr. Rolli warns parents.
«It basically says: Be careful, there are toxic dynamics within the family and your children are probably telling you what is wrong with you ».
Is this ability to listen found in Italy?
Unfortunately, there's still a tendency to throw people into psychiatric hospitals. Often, even on TV, you hear professors talking about teenagers they don't know. According to a clinic that dates back thirty years. But good professionals are out there. They listen to the kids and know full well that these are symptoms of their parents.
Absent or indifferent…
"I met a fourteen-year-old boy at school who told me, ' I asked GPT chat because I feel lonely.' And I asked him for the solution . This is what happens."
The eight young people in the novel manage to open up. But outside of their homes.
"I have two messages for parents. The first: listen to kids, especially when they're silent. Because things aren't what they seem. The second: be credible. If you say something, do it. Young people don't believe words that don't match actions. It's a problem of authority; they suffer and pay the price."
He wrote that teenagers need heroes.
"Yes, but if we're credible, we can achieve results. Being heroes doesn't mean being perfect. Kids need to be able to trust. It's essential for growing up and building their own authentic identity."
And feel better, get rid of the symptoms.
"The symptoms are there to say that I can't figure out who I am. If you don't help me by being authentic, by being yourself, I'll never be able to."
Nicholas Scano
