Christmas, parents, and silence: it's the "no contact" of young adults.

It's not a fad or an impulsive move. "No contact"—cutting off ties with one's family of origin—is an increasingly talked about and discussed choice, especially during the holidays. It means not seeing or hearing from one or both parents, even at Christmas, Easter, birthdays, or anniversaries.

No phone calls, no messages, no invitations accepted “because it's only once a year”.

For many people, this decision stems from the need to distance themselves from relationships that they experience as toxic or debilitating , marked by control, emotional blackmail, manipulation, or psychological violence.

The holiday season, with its burden of expectations and the idea that happiness is mandatory, often becomes a breaking point: the moment when continuing to play the role of the "good" child is perceived as too costly in terms of mental health.

In recent years, the phenomenon has also become visible online.

On social media, searching for the hashtag #nocontact uncovers hundreds of accounts. These aren't just extreme situations, but everyday experiences, filled with repeated small humiliations and constant emotional exhaustion.

Some say that, after they stopped talking to their parents, the first benefit was physical.

Who discovered that the problem was not Christmas itself, but the family context in which he was forced to experience it.

Behind these stories there are almost always years of attempts to repair the relationship, separations followed by reconciliations, persistent feelings of guilt and fear of external judgment.

One point often comes up: if you leave a toxic romantic relationship, your choice is socially approved; if you distance yourself from a manipulative parent, you're easily labeled an ungrateful child.

Social judgment remains one of the most burdensome elements, because severing the bond with the person who brought you into the world continues to be perceived as something "unnatural", even when it is the only strategy for emotional coping.

No contact is rarely the result of a sudden onset. More often, it's the result of a long process, beginning in childhood and continuing through adolescence, into adulthood marked by recurring patterns without real change: devaluation, control, mood swings.

Even as adults, over thirty, many report being treated like children, with no recognition of personal autonomy.

Before the final breakup, we almost always try to explain our discomfort: a phone call saying, "I don't hate you, but I can't take it anymore," a text message listing painful behaviors, in an attempt to salvage at least a part of the bond.

The key issue then becomes the sustainability of the relationship. Not only in everyday life, but also on symbolic occasions like a Christmas dinner.

When contact with family heavily affects one's life, dynamics of psychological violence, constant emotional blackmail, and invasive control often emerge.

With a partner or friend, these conditions would make the decision to distance oneself almost automatic. With a parent, however, a strong sense of moral obligation comes into play that can hold people back for years.

According to several psychotherapists who work with families, no contact mostly affects young adults : people old enough to live independently, but still deeply immersed in parental expectations.

The holidays amplify everything. The forced reunions, the questions about work, relationships, and children, the comparisons with siblings or cousins considered "more settled." For many, it's not a time for sharing, but a test to overcome.

Specialists emphasize that the family is also the primary site of conflict , a space where one learns to set limits and say no. Avoiding any confrontation does not foster growth, and, whenever possible, authentic dialogue should be attempted. But when confrontation is systematically denied or manipulated, distance becomes a form of personal protection.

No contact remains a painful choice, both for those who distance themselves and those who remain excluded. But its growing presence in public debate, especially around Christmas, signals a cultural shift: the idea that psychological well-being can, in some cases, take precedence over the maintenance of formal family ties.